


You Can’t Tell Me It'll Be Alright

by KermitSaysGayRights



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, M/M, Sad Spencer Reid, i was very sad when i wrote this, im not sorry, morgan is as dead as gideon, y'all are going to face my wrath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:41:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27012172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KermitSaysGayRights/pseuds/KermitSaysGayRights
Summary: Breathing gets harder when your other half isn’t around.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	You Can’t Tell Me It'll Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> i’m only little sorry abt this

Derek Morgan was an outstanding man in many ways, he was able to touch the hearts of so many others. One of them was the bau’s very own Dr. Spencer Reid, he was one of the only people who would stick up for him when he first joined. Who would believe in a twenty two year old boy? The answer was Morgan, it was always Morgan. He believed in him every moment of every day until the end. Even then Reid didn’t doubt the fact that he trusted him with his life until it was over.

It was a blur when it happened, they were all to swept up in the unsub holding the girl hostage to notice the second man pull out a gun. Though when the shot rang out it was painfully obvious, it was if everything had gone into slow motion. Even if it seemed slowed it all came to quick. Spencer whipped around only to see Derek and the other man hit the floor. It all went to fast for him, the blood, the yelling, the unsubs, his pained _gasps_. Just too fast.

He had to sit the rain while the blood started to drip onto the asphalt leaving his hands bare while they wheeled out the body bag. The worst part was he never got to say goodbye, he never got to let him know how much he cared. Now he’ll never be able to forget it, he can’t, it’ll be forever burned into his memory leaving a mark. 

Morgan didn’t even cry, why should Reid? But he couldn’t help it the sobs just kept coming it only got worse, he couldn’t breathe. _Why couldn’t he breathe?_ It was all fuzzy, fuzzy was nice he can’t remember when it gets fuzzy. But it all comes back, it always comes back. Penelope’s scream from the phone poured into his ears, she wasn’t even here, she couldn’t of known. She was _gasping_ for air so was he, _why couldn’t they breathe?_

He wanted it to be fuzzy again, he needed it to be fuzzy again. If it’s fuzzy then he won’t hear Penelope’s _gasps_ , JJ’s sobs, Emily’s scream, it felt like he could even feel Hotch’s lip quiver. It was all too real, too clear, he could see Rossi’s hands clench. The _gasps_ started again, his lungs burned. No, his throat did, it was fuzzy, he just needed it to stop. _Why couldn’t he breathe?_ He could still hear Morgan’s body hit the concrete, his ears were still ringing from the shot. The rain couldn’t wash the memory away.

He was _gasping_ for air it was suffocating, why did this have to happen? Prentiss was trying to hold her sobs in while he had let them go. He was _gasping_ , for anything, he’d take anything. The ringing never stopped not even after the ambulance left, not even when Morgan’s body was speeding down the road. His blood was still under his nails even after countless tries. His hands didn’t stop shaking, he thought they would, why wouldn’t they stop? His sobs were even worse, he couldn’t escape them not even after they left that cursed city. Not even when Garcia hurled herself into his arms, he only pulled her tighter letting the sobs rack their bodies.

He needed it all to stop, it was exhausting to let it all out but even worse to keep it _buried_. Buried, buried, buried, maybe if he repeated the words Derek’s casket wouldn’t be getting lowered into the ground. _He couldn’t breathe_ , no one could. The man they called a brother, a friend, a coworker, the one that held his heart was being let go. They had to let him go, _he couldn’t breathe_ , the man who helped do just that was gone. 

He couldn’t tell him that it’d be alright, he didn’t know if it would. How was he supposed to if the one who held his heart had just got his torn through. The memory was still there, the thump, the ringing, the yelling, the sobbing it was all there. _He couldn’t breathe._ It was all there, still burned into his brain, it would never leave. The _gasping_ started again, this time it was Desiree, then Sarah then his mother. They were all _gasping_ , straining for a breath, it never seems to comes. 

He’d strained before, all week he strained, he was still straining. It never stops, that’s what he settled on, he’d be _gasping_ for air as long as time was still ticking. He’d be straining for the warmth Morgan brought, for his blinding smile, for his little eye rolls after Reid said something condescending. He’d be _gasping_ , straining, sobbing, yelling, begging for it to be fuzzy once again. It’d never end, no it never would. 

**_ Why couldn’t he breathe? _ **


End file.
